Dating

Why does that word just seem so foreign to me? I have been out on dates over the years but nothing serious. I can usually tell pretty quickly if I am interested in someone or not. Its exhausting for one thing. I mean getting dressed up and looking cute is easy. But finding someone you actually want to listen to is another. Does that make me selfish? (cause I totally am not) I don’t need to be with anyone. I am perfectly fine on my own. So when I meet or date anyone, I am able to just go with my gut feeling and move on.

Physical chemistry is a must. Someone that can keep up with me, challenge me, teach me new things is a must. I need to be able to respect the person I am with, so be polite . I don’t want to be doing intellectual circles around the guys head either. I also don’t want to feel like I always have to talk to him. Sometimes that unspoken silence and understanding is the best way to communicate. Daily communication is 93% non-verbal. It is crazy to think about but it is so true!  (Albert Mehrabian published a book Silent Messages, in which he discussed his research on non-verbal communication) I am not saying that I want a mute either. Just someone you feel comfortable with when its quiet. Don’t date if you’re not happy. You can only make yourself happy, so figure out what you need to do to fix that. I’m finally at the point where I will not settle. I did that once in my life and I promised myself I would never do that again. I would rather be a nun then settle 🙂 (no offense to any nuns out there.. you are awesome) I don’t care about how much money he makes or what car he drives.. I just would like to meet a good person I connect with, is that so much to ask?

I still think that there is one person for everyone. Is that naive? How to find that person just seems impossible. We have apps and websites out there too. It’s too bad you can’t just send a signal out into the universe so he knows you’re ready. What happened to a man seeing a women or a women seeing a man and asking them out to lunch or dinner? What is so hard about that? We all live in our own little bubbles hiding from the fact that we are all searching for the next best thing. Doesn’t that get exhausting?

Okay, so tell me how a single parent is supposed to make time for this someone? I hardly have time for myself. I am lucky that my family and friends let me get away every week but when I am away from my kids I just want to be with them, doing what they’re doing. They are only going to be this cute and sweet for a short time and then they will all grow up and hate me and I’ll be old 😉 lets hope that doesn’t happen but you know what I am saying. I have been told to not focus on the physical aspect and just be with someone thats nice. To me thats settling. Nope, can’t do it. I am waiting for the right person.

One thing that I love about my kids is that they help filter out all the bad ones. (men that don’t have good intensions) I am an open book and some people can’t handle it. Most love me for it cause it makes me extra funny at times. Ask me anything, I will tell you. I feel because I only tell the truth, I don’t have to remember anything. I just have to tell you what I know.

If you feel threatened by a mothers love for her children, move along. If you think she is going out with you to find someone to rescue her and take care of all her worries, get over yourself. She already did that. (and don’t date women like that- she is settling and using you) If you date a single mother or father.. don’t get involved with the kiddos unless you plan on being a true friend and sticking around.

My only hope for anyone reading this, that can relate. Believe in yourself. Put your child(s) needs first. Love yourself. Take a chance. Don’t let the past follow you like a dark cloud over your head. You have made it this far, so let it all go and trust your gut. Don’t settle. Find that person that makes you feel loved. That’s all you have to do.

x Kate

 

 

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Intro.

Born and raised in a tiny beach town in Southern California. My name is Kate, I am 29 years old. Mother of three amazing humans. My son is 10 and my girls are 7 and 4. I have an older sister that is the best person I have ever known. My true best friend. My mother and I are just as close. My father is the kindest person and the most hard working man. I wasn’t raised in your typical family home but they are my family and that is all that matters. Its more like an American family. My parents were never together when I was born. My mother has had a boyfriend since I was tiny and he’s one of the best people I have ever known. My father got remarried when I was 5, that was hard. But she’s the one person who took the time and energy to be hard on me and teach me things no one else would. My mother and father did the best they could do at the time. My sister and I turned out just fine.

As far back as I can remember I wanted a family. A big one. Lots of babies, family dinners, dinner parties, garden parties.. you name it I had it all planned. I was going to marry a great man that was loved by many, he would be charming yet humble. He would love his wife and love to make her laugh. He would surprise her with little notes around the house and our children would know how much their parents loved each other. As most of you know, life doesn’t always work out how dreamed it when we were young (or six). My father always warned me about boys but he never really told me what they wanted.

Fast forward 23 years, its 2am. On December 26, 2015. I am  sitting in our big cozy chair next to the Christmas tree with my youngest daughter asleep next to me. I find myself reflecting on the past 10 years and wonder if it was all worth it or was it just a waste? I have been alone for the past 5 years. I know its what needed to happen in order to raise my children right. A working, single parent with small children doesn’t need to add anymore priorities to her list. Maybe I am just afraid to love someone again, or maybe I’ll never meet him if I never put myself out there. But how lame is that? Put yourself out there? how? where? All of that just feels so awkward and not fun.

You are probably wondering what happened to that wonderful man I dreamed up, well if I was going to be completely honest he never existed. I ended up with a person who believes his own lies and hurts and continues to hurt people in every path he takes. Luckily he is far far away and we never have to see him. It has been a few years since we have seen him.

I left him while I was still expecting my third child, my family helped us get out of a terrible situation and I did my best to never look back. No child should ever have to be around such an unstable environment. The court gave me full legal and physical custody and I have done my best to make sure everyone has a cozy bed, food in their bellies, lots of giggles and loves.

I still have so many things I want to do. I love to take photos, I love to write, one day I want to write and produce my own film. I want to make a documentary. I want to make a difference and help mothers in bad situations. I want everyone that has supported me along the way to know how much I love them and think about them daily. Not a minute goes by that I am not grateful for the simple things. Everything else is so temporary. Don’t get me wrong I do love nice things. But all in reason. My Grandmother always said “do you HAVE to have it or do you just want it” I can always tell when I am getting carried away.

I love to cook for my loved ones. I feel like it has always been a natural talent that I have and sometimes I feel like its drifting away. Maybe its because I have to work so much now but our family dinners are pretty special a couple times a week. It is something I never had growing up and I do believe that eating together can really impact your child and benefit you all. Make eye contact, tell a story or a joke, recite your favorite movies lines, do something to make someone embarrassed. Its all good fun.

One thing I have learned over the past few years is to be okay alone. (I am never really alone I have three kids) alone I mean by not having anyone at home at night to share anything with or bounce ideas off of them. I mean completely stone sober, look at yourself in the mirror alone and feel completely happy. I have my peace. I have made a safe home for my children and we have the best time.

Follow me on my daily updates of twenty sixteen. I promise to make you laugh and I might even make you cry. These are my chronicles of a hard working mother raising three children alone. I will tell you the how I pull things off on a daily basis and how I feel like I am at a race agents the clock from 6am till 12am (and the things my little poets will probably write about me in twenty forty six). Off to sleep. Its 3am. Good night.